Discouraged but still committed.

I still do not feel 100%. I have had some digestive issues and still do not feel normal. I have added a pro-biotic and other things to try and get regulated and normal but it still stinks. When I am not feeling great, it's so easy for myself to just throw up a list of excuses as to why I am not going to get in the pool or on the bike. The good news is I went yesterday and I was afraid because I took a few days off and I assumed I would be further behind, but that wasn't the case which is good. 

I am a little distracted this week because I have no kids and a ton of opportunities to be social and skip on the training. I'm in Austin, TX and it's SXSW this week - and there are free dinners, free events, and live music galore. Balance sure is a tricky thing. I want to still train and work in my swimming and biking but still see some great live music, too. As long as I can balance and feed my physical wants and also my social wants I will have a good week. If I do too much social activity I will feel guilty and be upset that I didn't train enough. To get my bike ride in this week I decided tomorrow I am going to ride the train and bring my bike - that way I can just get around downtown with my bike and not fight w/traffic at all. Riding my bike to swim at the Y will be fun, too. 

I also am struggling with joining a triathlon group or going on scheduled rides at my local bike shop. Even though I have worked through a lot of my own self-esteem issues, I am still self conscious - and I know if I show up on a ride, I tell myself the lie that I will be the only one without a $1k+ bike or cool gear and everyone will wonder why am I on this ride or that people will talk about me or whatever. I still don't know why I care what strangers think of me in the first place. I know those thoughts aren't true, but it still hinders me. Most people I have met or talked to that ride - don't care because they just love biking regardless. I will work up the courage eventually. I will also not beat myself up too much if I do indulge a little in social activity this week because most of my days are spent taking care of and spending time with my kids. If there is an evening event that pops up at work - I decline because my kids come first. 

Less than two months left - I just hope that I complete this thing and that I am not the last one on May 5, 2013.